i hate to rant but…

10Feb09

at the moment, I have no other outlet.

I am tired of rushing through this chapter draft in the hope that my advisor will read it before I leave the country only to know that my advisor does not have my back in any way. Because now I’m writing in panic and I’m mentally drained and I know I’m doing this in vain. (I don’t mean that the chapter itself is in vain but the only reason I’m rushing to finish it within a week rather than by the end of the month is so that I can get the first bit of meaningful advice on my project from my advisor and so that I’m not constantly wondering what my advisor thinks about me and my work.)

I am tired of sitting on pins and needles around my father, who thinks up reasons to pick on me just to pick on me. The latest piece of bullshit? Earlier today, even though I was not sitting on this particular couch, he out of the blue tells me to put a towel down on the cushion any time I rest my head on the cushion so that it doesn’t get messed up. WHAT??? You’re kidding, right? This is my own home; this couch is older than I am and is covered in a hideous brocade. Nothing I am doing is messing that couch up. Plus the house is a shithole, one that I would be embarrassed to invite close friends into. In fact, none of my close friends have been inside it, ever. So my hair isn’t the problem; his housekeeping skills are.  [*poof*]

Related to the above: I’m tired of being so on edge about any conversation with my dad that I’m physically moving out of rooms when he comes into them. [*poof*]

[*poof*]

I’m tired of being single (but that’s nothing new and is actually less irritating at the moment than the above but while I’m ranting, I might as well get it all out there.)

I want to be back in Europe, ASAP. Actually I don’t, not with those winter storms, but you get the drift. When the snow clears out, I want to be there. Soon enough, I guess.

I think a little tv’s in order now. Plus I’m trying a coconut hot chocolate recipe from the NY Times tonight. I’ll link to it if it’s any good. (Oh, and I wonder why I’m fat: I get pissy and stressed so I make food and buy pies. At least I wear my fat well.)

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4 Responses to “i hate to rant but…”

  1. I know how badly going through a phd program without mentorship is and that is so obviously what’s happening here. it isn’t right. at all. it sucks and I’m sorry. all I can say is you make a lot of sense to me.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear this! I hope that your writing goes smoothly from now on and that your advisor gives you some useful feedback.

    Re: mentorship. Is there someone else in the department that you can latch onto? Is there a dissertation reading group you can join?

  3. 3 thefrogprincess

    @The History Enthusiast: I’m actually in a dissertation writing group but I’m not sure the status of it at the moment since a few of the members are doing extended research away from campus. And as for mentorship, I’m hoping to run some of my work by one or two professors that I’ve taken courses with and see how it goes. Anyway, I’m feeling a bit better about things.

  4. I’m glad to hear that you can get feedback from someone, even if your advisor is not doing their job. I’ve found my dissertation group immensely helpful.


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