a lull

27Apr09

Not a ton going on here. There’s a lot to be done writingwise and researchwise and I don’t know how to strike the right balance. The project is tricky so research isn’t quite cumulative. That is, each chapter stands alone so having enough research to write one chapter doesn’t mean that I have enough research to write anything else. In fact, I have two whole case studies that I know little about because I haven’t done the research yet and they aren’t connected to the case I already wrote about or the case I’m working on now. But at the same time, I’ve been put on quite a tight writing schedule by my advisor. I’m fine with that, generally, although I’m not sure my advisor understands that during the time I’m supposed to be writing chapters, I also have to do research on that very chapter. So this is causing a slight problem.

As always, though, I’m in my default mood: I’m not happy but nothing’s specifically wrong other than my longstanding family/personal issues. It’s remarkable how “productive” I’ve managed to be over the years given that I don’t ever recall being anything close to happy in any kind of sustained way. I’m not sure it’s normal to be able to go on indefinitely feeling more or less mildly shitty and yet I’ve been doing it pretty much my whole life. I know why I feel like this, thanks to quite a few counseling sessions and my own penchant for too much introspection, but I also know there’s not much I can do about it other than complain about how tired I am of feeling like this.

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