checking in


I’ve actually started writing and I’m forcing myself to finish this chapter by early next week. Nothing much to say about that.

The all-consuming thought in my mind now is that I only have about two months left here and then I have to return to the US and to my university. There’s little I want to do less than return to my university. Most, though not all, of my friends will not be there. Barring a miracle, I will have no dating life. It’s not as though I have a robust friend network here or a vibrant dating life. I don’t. But there’s a sense of possibility here that I didn’t have when I was living in MRU town. Here, you never know when you’re going to walk into a cafe and see the most stunning man. There, not so much. I’d live elsewhere but I can’t afford to live in an apartment by myself in the places that would make the most sense. And that really is the key: my absolute priority is to live by myself, something I’ve never done. I’ve always lived in dorms, dormlike houses, or rented rooms. I can’t take myself seriously as an adult as long as I don’t have my own place. So there’s a tradoff that I’m making: feel like an adult and have the privacy I desperately want at the expense of living in a place that I have a shot in hell of enjoying. Perhaps that’s why I keep going back to this cafe (where nothing’s happening, I might add, b/c said man seems to work at this establishment infrequently). It’s not as though I think a ton is going to happen here but I know deep down that even less is going to happen once I leave London. So before I go into a two-year hibernation, I’m giving this as much of a full-faith effort as I can (which, really, wouldn’t be the kind of effort others would give).


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